(Yep. All of these are true stories.)
On the other hand:
- Don’t send me an unsolicited picture of yourself taken with one hand in the bathroom mirror of a public bathroom, and then ask me if I want another one of you with your shirt off. I don’t.
- Don’t be petulant if I turn you down for a date. Acting like a spoiled child and mouthing off just proves that I did the right thing by refusing.
- Don’t talk about buying me sexy pajamas when I just met you three weeks ago. That is not hot.
- Don’t try to get me to meet your parents, godchild, or any other member of your family when we just met. That is a precipitous move on your part.
- Don’t text me using “u” for “you” if you’re trying to ask me on a date. Take the effort to type the “y-o.”
- Don't think buying me cheesecake is a way into my pants (it's not).
- Don't call me at 2:00 in the morning and try to have a serious relationship-defining conversation, especially if you've been drinking. Or even at 5:55 p.m. when I'm trying to walk out the door.
- While we're at it, don't show up drunk on my doorstep at 3:00 in the morning and tell me you love me. Somehow, I don't think that's romantic.
- Don't send me a woebegone mix CD to make me feel sorry for you. I don't.
- Quit sending me selfies!!!
On the other hand:
- Bring me an unexpected coffee from Starbucks once in a while. That's super thoughtful. And I love coffee.
- Yes, send me a beautiful flower arrangement that completes my living room decor! I love flowers! But then give me something totally practical, like a car phone charger or a roll of trash bags, because that's also necessary and just as appreciated. I'll see if I can get you some Reese's Pieces and some American Spirits in exchange . . .
- Be totally honest and open from the get-go. Lay all your cards out on the table and I'll do the same. If we freak out, if we think we're not compatible, if we discover the other person is crazy, at least we won't have wasted much time on unnecessaries. However, we might just find that skipping all the facades makes for a better relationship.
- Do sweet things for absolutely no other reason than that it makes me happy. Secretly take my broken $10 ring to a jeweler to fix because you know I want to wear it. Bring me a surprise bottle of Maker's Mark after I spill mine all over the floor. Show me with every little action that you think I'm awesome. Because I think you're amazing.
