Thursday, June 13, 2013

My Self-Help Post, In Which I Bare My Soul

I just found out I’m a Two.

That probably doesn’t mean anything to most of y’all, but don't worry; it didn’t mean anything to me either until a few months ago.

Probably everyone, even if they don’t put any stock in it, knows their Astrology Sign (I’m a Leo, in case you wanted to know), and, if you’re Japanese, you probably know your blood type, too (I’m A-, would you believe it?!). However, it’s quite possible that you don’t know your Enneagram type.

I’m not even going to pretend to explain the Enneagram here; you can kindly go to www.enneagraminstitute.com yourself. All I’ll say is, it seems to me like a more detailed version of the ol ‘Myers-Briggs personality test, but with additional social and spiritual implications. They’ve been studying it at church recently, which is what got me interested in it to begin with.

So, in a nutshell, here I am:

Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others. 

Sounds pretty accurate to me. Both good and bad.

Finding out that I’m a Two has helped me understand a few basic things about myself and how I relate to others.

First. If I want to sit at home all by myself and not talk with anyone, I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. The joy of being a Two means that I give of myself ALL. THE . TIME. I do it at work, in my personal relationships, and in my family. It’s not a bad thing; Twos put others first. It’s what we do and we’re happy to do it. But it can become bad when we lose ourselves in the process. Once in a while, we need to shut the door, turn off the phone, get off the internet, and just relax. Other people do it without feeling bad. I shouldn’t feel guilty, either.

This leads us to a very important point: I AM NOT AS IMPORTANT AS I THINK I AM. What a revolutionary thought. That the world will continue spinning happily on its axis if I say, “Sorry, I just want to stay home tonight.” If I don’t respond to a text within 30 seconds. If I buy a pre-made cake instead of making one from scratch. I am not that important, and neither is what I do.

Back in January I Googled my 2013 Yearly Horoscope just to see what kind of nonsense they’d say about what to expect this year (no, I’m not getting married). But damned if they didn’t hit the nail on the head with a couple of other things: namely, that 2013 would be a year of complete metamorphosis and self-analysis. Bing! We have a winner!

I’m still on the super huge Self Improvement kick I started back in 2012. Bigger than anything else has been this unrelenting thirst to connect with God. I’ve never felt it before. Even during the height of Jaimie’s Christian Era (1996-2009, give or take a few years), I never felt like all I wanted to read was the Bible or the only thing I wanted to do was pray. Not even a little bit. And yet here I am, unashamedly basking in the confusion and incomprehension that I am connected to something much greater than I. I will sit and meditate for 20 minutes and come away (most days) knowing that God has been with me. It’s been wonderful.

If you’ve only met me post-2009, it might seem odd to hear me say I am searching for God, especially if we haven’t talked in a few months. But if we’ve known each other for longer, it might make sense that I’d try to find my way back. Of course, some of the patterns that have been deeply ingrained in me (God is an angry unsmiling judge waiting for the opportune moment to send your sorry sinning ass to Hell) are changing for the truer version that God is Indeed Love. A girl I knew in Japan (an American girl, completely non-religious herself) told me that it’s usually true that one finds a stronger spirituality the second go around. In my case, at least, she was right.

OK, just a little bit more and then I’ll go.

As well as reading plenty of spiritual texts, I’m also going through Simplify Your Life by Elaine St. James and Romancing the Ordinary by Sarah Ban Breathnach (what a name). Despite the fact that SYL was written in 1994 and thus has constant references to how indulgent the 80s were, and how if only you would remove call waiting from your house phone and get rid of your CAR PHONE—yes, your CAR PHONE, remember those? I don’t—anyway, if you would do these steps, you would live more happily. Despite its datedness, it still has a lot of practical tips that I enjoy. And RTO puts into words many of the thoughts I’ve often had: that it’s not about having the best of things, but learning to savor the simple ones. Amen, sister.

As I was reading, I started thinking about the things I do to simplify and romance my own ordinary life. By no means exhaustive, here are a couple of things that help me:

#1: I don’t check Facebook every ten minutes like I used to.
#2: I don’t text as much as I used to. I’ve become a big fan of telephone conversations.
#3: I stretch, run, walk, do yoga, dance, and go to Zumba class as much as possible. I WANT TO MOVE.
#4: I put puzzles together. You can think I’m lame ‘cos I said that. That’s cool. I won’t take it back, though. I love putting puzzles together.
#5: I visit the Farmer’s Market. I cook.
#6: I find shapes in the clouds. It connects me to my childhood.  
#7: I drive with the windows down. Most days.
#8: I pay attention to the time of day. I love how the light filters into my house through the trees at sunset, and how the morning light slants in through the kitchen window.
#9: I don’t use the A/C unless absolutely necessary. I love to sit in my house with the windows wide open. It feels like summer in North Carolina, and that’s something I’ve missed.
#10: I meditate. It keeps me grounded. 

Thanks for listening. See y’all next time.