Things I Should Be Scared Of

You know, there are so many things to be afraid of nowadays, I'm starting to lose count. We hear about scary stuff all the time, and with each report, I've got something new to freak out about. Something new is added to my list every day. (And please, my I-don't-get-sarcasm friends, realize I say these things tongue-in-cheek.)

• Terrorists: They want to kill me to make a statement. 
• Black men: They want to rob me or kill me.
• White men: They want to kill me while they're shooting up a movie theater or a school. 
• Hispanic men: They're all talking bad about me in Spanish, although they probably don't want to kill me.  
• Syrian refugees: They all want to kill me. 
• Travel outside the U.S.: I'm going to get killed. 
• Travel inside the U.S.: I'm going to get killed. 
• Rest Areas on the Interstate: I'm going to get robbed or killed. 
• Bacon/Deli Meat: They're going to give me cancer. 
• GMOs/Artificial sweeteners/Additives in my food: They're all going to give me cancer, too. 

As you can see, I've got a lot to worry about in the back of my mind. I'm sure there are even more things out there to be concerned about (if you think of any more, let me know), but I'll stop there for now. The good news is, there's one bullet point I can now take off of my list:

• Having Thanksgiving dinner with my boyfriend's family 

Talk about nerve-wracking. Ever since Kyle invited me to come up and have Thanksgiving dinner with his family in Michigan, I'd been a little nervous. It's not like I hadn't met them all before -- I had my 32nd birthday party with his mom, stepdad, and sister while they were visiting him in Raleigh, for goodness' sake -- but that was when we were just friends. I didn't feel any pressure. But now, spending five days at his parents' house over a major U.S. holiday . . . that was something else.

Lucky for me, though, all of my worrying was in vain. Kyle's family lives in a small city between Flint and Detroit: his mom, stepdad, and sister in one normal house with two normal dogs and a normal catt; his dad and stepmom in a different normal house with a different normal dog (and no cat).

We left Raleigh on Tuesday afternoon and were in Athens, OH by midnight. After spending an uneventful night at a cheap hotel with a poorly-working heater and freezing cold bathroom tiles, we were on the road again, finally pulling into Kyle's mom's driveway around 4:00 in the afternoon. I was feeling kind of nervous but hoped no one could tell. That evening, his stepdad took us all -- Kyle,    his brother, sister, mom, and me -- to a restaurant called Mr. B's that I'd never heard of but enjoyed. (I was also bowled over by the fact that every single person in the restaurant was white; it was like being back at Milligan College.) I was also impressed that no one started any controversial political  conversation while at dinner, as is wont to happen at dinner with my family. After eating, we went to visit Kyle's dad's for an hour or two, getting back to his mom's house just in time to eat popcorn and watch "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" in preparation for Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving itself was super relaxing and really comfortable. More family came over: grandpa, stepbrother, and stepsister with their spouses and kids, as well as Kyle's brother's fiancée, so there ended up being 14 of us in total. It felt like Thanksgiving when I was a kid: rowdy, lots of conversation, kids running all over the place, and of course dishes and dishes of delicious deliciousness! My Southern sensibilities told me I should help cook or clean up, but I hardly lifted a finger. (I'm sorry, family.) And although there was no Monopoly marathon afterwards, we did play a good game of Apples to Apples over Rice Krispie Treats and chocolate pie. I also hit it off with Kyle's 7-year old niece; we played kitchen and read some Dr. Seuss.

Friday was a lazy day at Kyle's dad's: we arrived around 11:00 a.m. and stayed until almost 9:30 that night, listening to the cold rain fall outside and watching football and HGTV inside. Kyle's stepmom had decorated for Christmas, and with the fire going, the mantel decorated, and a candle burning, it felt just like it. It also helped that after dinner I wrapped up in a blanket and enjoyed some coffee and Bailey's with a slice of pumpkin cheesecake. There is so much to be grateful for!

Our last full day was Saturday. Kyle's niece and I spent the morning playing in the freezing cold Michigan weather (which I could only stand so much of) before Kyle and I took off to visit his dad one more time. Later, at my request, Kyle took me on a tour of the city he grew up in (Lapeer, MI,
population 8,884), complete with visits to his previous houses, schools, and hangouts. Around 5:00 we drove down to Novi (no-VYE, not no-VEE) to meet his friend G for dinner. Then it was back to Clarkston and time to get ready to go back to Raleigh.

I'm not sure what I expected from Thanksgving with someone else's family 800 miles from home, but it all turned out great. I guess now that I don't have to worry about visiting Michiagn anymore, I can start focusing my worries on something else . . . like what we'll be doing for Christmas!

A Year Later

Remember November 10, 2014?

That day I taught a morning class at Wake Tech, came home, did some yoga, and was just settling down at my dining room table to work on lesson plans, when the apartment maintenance man came bounding up the stairs, pounding on everyone's door to evacuate, because the place was on fire?

Yeah, that day!

November 10, 2014 ranks up there with those other pivotal, life-changing dates in my existence, right up there with the day I got married (8/6/05) or the day I moved to Japan (8/1/10). It's one of those days deserving of an anniversary of its own, a day that changed the direction of my life in ways both unexpected and seemingly out of my control. Without any kind of forewarning, I suddenly found myself uprooted and relocated, feeling lost, fragile, and directionless.

After the fire, it was a roller coaster of constant displacement: one month with a family in Knightdale (God bless you all for allowing a stranger to live with you!); three months with B; three months waiting for the lease to expire; and finally to my current dwelling with K: all in under seven months! It was too much change in too little time. (Just to keep things interesting, I'll be taking out the suitcases and scrounging around for moving boxes again in May, but where I will lay my head on June 1st is of yet still a mystery. But it'll work out. Things always work out.)

I have neverending thanks for the people and organizations who helped me through that hard time after the fire last year. The donations of furniture, household goods, and money helped me get back on my feet, and the encouragement and donations of physical labor and time were blessings upon blessings. Thank you.

I still don't know if there's a cosmic life lesson to be learned here, but if there is, please let me know. Maybe it's to remind you that you don't need anything more than what you've already got. Maybe it's something else.

In any case, here we are, a year later. A year since I left (was expelled from?) 725-202 Royal Anne Lane. A year since my life felt like it was coming completely unhinged. And now look! Everything has turned out superbly. After a few disorienting months came happiness again.

Part of me wants to know where I'll be on November 10, 2016. Where will I be living? And with whom? Where will I be working? What memories will I be looking back on?

But I stop myself, take a breath. November 10, 2015 -- now, the present -- is a wonderful place to be. Let me just savor it in my hand.