Oh that Japanese, Japanese: Study!

According to my textbook, I should be able to do these things in Japanese:

• Conjugate verbs in the present, past, present continuous, potential and conditional tenses in both plain and polite forms
• Tell time using “from~to~”
• Count to infinity
• Express actions using “while” (“I made dinner while listening to music.”) and “after” (“After knocking, please come in.”)
• Express first-person desire (“I want/don’t want to go to England.”)
• Express occasional actions (“There are times when it doesn’t rain for a month.”)
• Give polite imperatives (“Please write.” “Please don’t write.”)
• Say what I have and haven’t done (“I have been to Mexico. I haven’t eaten natto.”)
• Talk about giving and receiving
• Express actions in sequence
• Express “must”/”have to” (“I have to study!”) in 6 levels of politeness
• Express actions one should not do “(You mustn’t be late”) in 5 levels of politeness
• Say “It’s okay to ~” and “It’s okay not to ~”
• Ask permission (“Is it okay to ~?”)
• Ask questions in plain and polite forms
• Use pragmatic softeners to explain situations (“I’d like to go, but the thing is, I have to work . . . “)
• Link nouns
• Give a series of verbs in sequence
• Give advice (“It’s better to ~”)
• Express things that are hard and easy to do
• Express “how to ~” (“Can you show me how to use this copier?”)
• Link adjectives and “become” (“It’s becoming warmer now.”)
• Link two verbs (“I’m going to the store to buy shoes.”)
• Make comparisons in three different ways
• Conjugate adjectives in the present and past positive and negative in polite and plain form
• Express what one has done and hasn’t done (“Have you cleaned your room?” “No, I haven’t cleaned it yet.”)

However, when I’m in the real world hanging out with people, it just doesn’t flow! I’ll want to say something, and I’ll know that I’ve studied that grammar before, but I just can’t say it! I don’t remember! Especially—especially!—verb conjugations. They are driving me crazy with their tenses and forms.

Take these two sentences, for example:

Kono hon wa yonda koto ga aru. この本は読んだことがある。

Kono hon wa yomu koto ga aru. この本は読むことがある。

The first sentence means, “I have read this book.”

The second sentence means, “There are times when I read this book.”

I’m getting it now, but it’s confusing. But it’s not just this one example. It’s everything. I don’t know how many times I’ve studied the negative past tense, so I can say sentences like, “I didn’t want to go” or “She didn’t talk to me,” but it’s just not sticking. And I can never conjugate “-te” and “-ta” (continuous and plain past) forms correctly, either, because I can’t remember when you double the consonant and when you don’t (atta = met, mita = I saw). I know it has to do with the verbs being in different categories but I just can’t remember exactly how it goes, and when I’m actually speaking to someone all my tenses go flying out the window.

There is good news, though: I am communicating. I can talk to people, even though my grammar isn’t correct and I have to use a dictionary or a pen and paper to explain myself. I talk with the librarian at school when I have nothing to do. Last night two new students, one from China and one from Cambodia, came to my Japanese class and we talked for two hours about hospitals and illnesses. (I really can’t say how much more I love this class than last year’s . . . . !) My friend Shogo and I hang out often, and we’ve managed to talk about religion, politics, technology, farming, future dreams, family, cooking, food, and art, even though his English is about on the same level as my Japanese! Plus I’m learning how to text in Japanese like a pro! ^_^

And here, I think, is where I’m finding my solace. Communication. I’m not always going to speak correctly—hell, I probably never speak correctly—and I’m going to make mistakes. But communication is my aim now, not necessarily verb conjugations. I still don’t pay attention during morning meetings at school, and I’ve all but given up trying to listen to Japanese radio announcers, but little by little I’m getting there.