Keepin' On Keepin' On

It's 5:40 on Wednesday, March 16, and I feel absolutely exhausted. For the past few days I’ve been on edge, waiting for another huge earthquake (we had a little one today that rocked the school for 30 seconds or so, coming from Chiba, which was bad but not too bad) or a nuclear cloud to descend upon Gunma (which I don’t really think will happen, but everyone is saying it so it gets to me). It’s tiring to be worried all the time. I’ve been shaken out of sleep twice—once on Tuesday morning and once this morning—convinced that we were having another quake, but when I asked my teachers about it at school, they said they didn’t feel anything. Am I dreaming of earthquakes or am I really feeling aftershocks? At school and at home, every little noise is making me jump. Today the wind really picked up, and the rattle of the windows is unnerving.

This week at school is light since all the third years are gone, and I only have a few classes a day. So I’m spending most of my copious off-time checking Facebook to see what new news is happening around Gunma, and all that time on my iPhone gives me a headache. My head just feels full: too much thinking. I don’t feel particularly anxious or worried (except when those damn aftershocks shock me), just tired. I feel so, so, so tired, like I could sleep for days.

Life here in Gunma is going on as normal with just a few interruptions, mainly in the form of fuel. I have a quarter tank of gas in my car but I’m not planning on going anywhere until things get sorted out with the gas stations. Almost all the ones I’ve seen have ropes around them and “Sold Out” signs hanging from them. Yesterday Mr. K drove me around the Misato area looking for kerosene for my heaters, and we went to three different places before we found one that had some. Luckily there aren’t lines piled up for kerosene like they are for gasoline: the line at the one open gas station I saw had a procession of cars piled up for two kilometers. There is nowhere I need to go pressing enough to waste the gas I have waiting in line just to get 10 liters. Or 20. However much they’re letting you get (Oh, and the kerosene was rationed, too; I only got 18 liters instead of 36). I will wait until things are back to normal before I try driving again. In the meantime, I’m biking everywhere, which is good exercise. I mean, it’s a pain not to be able to go visit people, since no one I know lives near me, but I am not complaining. I’m hearing mixed messages about the buses and the trains—yes, they’re working, no, they’re not working, yes, they’re working, but on a limited schedule—so I’m not ready to attempt them yet. I will just hang out in here Gunma-machi till things get better! I went Aeon Mall yesterday and it seemed pretty normal; the grocery store was out of a couple of things (batteries, milk, bread, rice, instant noodles) but was still chock-full. Kaldi was fine, too; I got some Muesli because Beat said it was the wonder food, and some macaroni and cheese because it’s comfort food. I declined to buy my own White Day chocolate, though, thank you very much, Graham (besides, Naoki gave me some anyway).

We’re still getting school lunch, but it’s not as much as usual. Yesterday it was a piece of bread (like Subway size), yogurt, a pack of airplane-sized almonds, and milk. I was super lucky because the second year students made udon soup in home ec class, and they chose me as one of the teachers to eat it. But you can’t imagine the guilt I felt slurping away at my noodles and vegetables watching the other teachers—especially the grown men, you know they were hungry—bite miserably into their rolls. I offered some of my soup to Ms. I, but she graciously declined, which made me feel even guiltier. But I still ate it.

Today we had six good-sized meatballs, rice with seaweed sprinkles, a yogurt/icee frozen dessert, and another pack of almonds. It filled me up well! But tomorrow it’s back to bread and milk, so I hear. It seems taboo to bring your own lunch from home, so I’m not, but if school lunch actually gets cancelled I guess it’ll be PB&Js from here on out. 

We also had our first blackout today. It was at school from around 10:00 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Things went on as usual. Some of the classrooms were a little chilly but it was sunny, so it wasn’t too bad. Someone in the staff room had a battery-operated radio, which drifted old school American tunes through the air in the mostly-silent staff room. There was a blackout scheduled for 5:00-8:30 p.m. tonight, but it has been cancelled. Yokatta desu as I was not looking forward to sitting in the dark. I’ve been reading The Shining as escapist literature but that might not be the best book to read in times of darkness and trial. The back cover actually has a quote that says, “Don’t read it alone!” When it gets too scary I go back to reading Little Town on the Prairie, which I’m reading for the umpteenth time, or some Japanese children’s book.

I haven’t been studying Japanese grammar at all. My head just feels like it can’t take it. I didn’t go to my Monday night class because I was helping a friend pack up and get ready for her 10-day New Zealand trip, and my Wednesday night classes have been cancelled until the next season starts up again in May. Now, besides for the fact that I want to communicate with the people around me, I don’t have much motivation to hit the books. However, I have learned a ton of new vocabulary from this experience: jishin (earthquake), teiden (blackout), futsuu (normal), rousoku (candle). Go figure.

Tomorrow morning we have another blackout scheduled. I just took a long, hot bath tonight because I can’t take a shower in the morning. I guess that means I can wake up later than usual tomorrow since all I’ll have to do is get dressed, eat some cereal, and get on the road.

I’m wrapped up in my bathrobe and pajamas now. My plan for tonight—because I still have electricity!—is to make dinner (I still have a ton of food at my house) and watch Anchorman, Labyrinth, or the last episode of True Blood (still haven’t decided) and drink some hot tea. I was going to go to my neighbor’s house (the nice couple down the street that I had dinner with a lot back when I first came to Japan) but she’s in the hospital for the next few days. She’s OK and it’s nothing serious, but we won’t see each other for a little while longer. Keep her in your thoughts, though, please.

I think I’m going to make it an early night. I can’t handle all the uncertainty that’s flooding around me. I consider myself so fortunate to have escaped the disaster that hit northeast Japan, and thus consider myself an ass for complaining about little things when I know there are people not too far away who may never have a normal life again. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers, too, and try not to worry about me. I’m just suffering minor inconveniences, but really nothing at all. I’ve got food, clothes, an apartment and a battery-powered heater full of kerosene, a bicycle, a job, a good network of people to rely on and talk to, and March days that are progressively getting warmer. It’s all gravy from here.